Quicksand

You know these thoughts are tricky

Your feelings are there to be felt
whether you want to or not
whether they're blissful or white hot
pain
raw
cattle brand pressing on open wounds
Cauterize...

You can't mask them, you can't go around them
you go through them
every single time
You don't have a choice but to
walk through the fire
eyelashes singeing

There's no way out.

You're trembling despite the heat licking your limbs
You're terrified but you crawl into the midst of everything
anyway
You get credit for that
Don't let anyone tell you that it means nothing.

Don't let anyone tell you that the struggle isn't normal
or that it's shameful
that you need to hide from it

Don't let anyone tell you they don't go through it too.
God never said this type of life would be easy --
What do you expect when you're walking around
this earth where His enemy is king?

What's love without pain
to show you what love really feels like
really means

What's love without pain
that forces you to be grateful
knees buckling, cracking as they hit the floor

You feel like you don't deserve it
and ask God why

Why he has spared you so many times
Why he surrounds you with people
who show an outpouring of unconditional love
no matter what you do

You know these thoughts are tricky...
you claw
you fight and climb, rocks uprooting from the dirt underneath your feet and kicking down the mountain
it feels like forever until they finally meet their end
shattering
you slip and your heart bottoms out

Your bloodied fingers and dirt under your nails - that's the struggle.
but you get to the top and look down
up so high
a shadow puts hands on your back
and in one second you're in the air
falling
until


You're sucked into the quicksand
thoughts electric in your head
lying
and you entertain them
and you know you shouldn't
and the harder you fight the harder it is
and you're sinking slowly

Using everything inside of you to swim back to the top
so you can breathe again
if it covers your face then you're a goner
how long can you hold your breath?
How long will it last this time?
You can taste the grains

Then every time
God extends a hand
a way out
mercy

The rain comes and gently melts the quicksand away
separating you from these thoughts
that aren't real

Put on your battle gear, baby girl
You know these thoughts are tricky
but
Even Satan used to be an angel

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