questa vita

The footsteps behind you match your heartbeat They mirror your pace as it quickens click click click beat beat beat If you look behind you, what would you see? Would it matter; would you survive to tell the tale? Is it all tall tales? If you looked behind you, would you see resurrections of lives past? The ones you forgot and let go of? The ones you hid away from? Are they catching up to you? Something more than memories triggered inside of you Some people don't feel the things you feel when they remember Some people don't relive it The tastes, smells.. the despair, foreboding, or even the joy. You go back to right before . Right before events and wonder, would it be different if they had never been realized? Would you be different? Do you want to be? The right before, when you were blissfully ignorant, unbothered. Unchanged. Some people, those closest to you, tell you that the right befores  all the way up to the right afters  made you who are y...

We took the masks off and burned them Never to be worn again Maybe it's a sickness Or maybe it's just the human condition But we've accepted each other's scars and wrinkles The shameful moments We couldn't dare hide Or twist to our benefits Then we would just be, Lying to ourselves. We took the masks off and didn't mourn the could-have-beens that came along with them. We didn't look at the fire with regretful eyes. The flames instead mimicked our eyes bright with anticipation of something great. Something actual real true and solid Not the guarded masks of the past with someone not-quite-right. Instead, a loyalty to someone that actually means something. New meaning to ride or die.

I'm not the type of girl who needs to be saved Already been washed clean by the Blood of the Lamb Already dropped down to my knees and confessed that I was enslaved Eternal chains have been broken But these temporary earthly chains are are just getting broken in Sometimes it's hard to remember my forever freedom has been spoken when I feel so heartbroken. But He never said this life would be easy He never said inhabiting His enemy's kingdom Would be breezy ... Acting as a light for the lost in the midst of this holocaust Supposed to be a warrior But sometimes I'm just a worrier These thoughts all-consuming Past lives I'm exhuming These earthly struggles so disconnected from the heavenly the constant attack from the enemy My mind becomes quiet instead of a riot with you I'm not the type of girl who needs to be saved but you gave me the trust that I craved You gave me the unconditional love I deserved Calmed my nerves Showed m...

You know these thoughts are tricky Your feelings are there to be felt whether you want to or not whether they're blissful or white hot pain raw cattle brand pressing on open wounds Cauterize... You can't mask them, you can't go around them you go through them every single time You don't have a choice but to walk through the fire eyelashes singeing There's no way out. You're trembling despite the heat licking your limbs You're terrified but you crawl into the midst of everything anyway You get credit for that Don't let anyone tell you that it means nothing. Don't let anyone tell you that the struggle isn't normal or that it's shameful that you need to hide from it Don't let anyone tell you they don't go through it too. God never said this type of life would be easy -- What do you expect when you're walking around this earth where His enemy is king? What's love without pain to show you what lov...

We're tied and bound  not by thick chains, locked tightly in place, leaving their cold impressions on our skin  but by thoughts and feelings dancing around in our heads, taunting us  they're intangible, as thin as string  We could just apply a small amount of force  and break free,  right?  They would just disintegrate like they never existed Because it's as easy as breathing, right?  But sometimes, the breaths don't come that easily.  Catching in our lungs like a stray piece of fabric on a loose bit of skin  The wolves howl in the distance, but you're bound  to this tree  The night is enclosing, shutting the curtains so you can only hear your fear It's your racked breaths and sweat dripping to the forest floor crystal clear as it hits the dirt.  It's your tears blazing a fiery trail on your face then freezing over  And you just can't take the sudden change  And the howls are ...

her fingers tremble  pulling the sheets over her head  telling herself  not to go to that place  tucked away in her mind  the curiosity is like a simmering pot on the stove  bubbling  rolling  eventually spilling over  and then there's no stopping it  water splashing everywhere  burning brown on the hot eye  shoving the top on the pot doesn't help  it just floats away and clamors to the floor  bang she removes the sheet  pulls herself to the edge of the bed  nails digging into the mattress  breaths coming in gasps  that barely resemble normalcy  bated she's offering herself  as bait  slowly, she hangs her head  over the edge she's over the ledge  blood rushing to the veins in her head a river it's too late  she's falling off the lip of the cliff  and there's no going back now  "I won't be afraid."  The deci...